


Someone's watching over me

by Demoneyedwanderer666



Category: Dean Winchester - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Student Cas, Teacher Dean, destiel au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 18:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7856818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demoneyedwanderer666/pseuds/Demoneyedwanderer666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate universe, the apocalyptic past has been forgotten, but has everyone really managed to forget?<br/>A Supernatural AU<br/>Student Cas and Teacher Dean</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I'm breaking_  
 _Cas, you gotta stay strong. Give me your hand_  
 _I can't reach you Dean_  
 _Give me your fucking hand!_  
 _How can I?_  
 _I was never there to begin with_  
***********  
Ugh.  
It was that same dream again. Its been the fifth one this week. I was drenched in my own sweat as I woke up, my hair was a mess, no need to comment further. And as usual my alarm failed to cooperate with me. How was it Monday again?  
This was my first mistake.  
I jumped off my sorry old spring mattress with ease, I was already late;then why bother walking all the way to class? I'm sick and tired of these same old routines. I don't even know why I even bothered coming here. Coming to this world.  
Come on get up Castiel, get up get up.  
********************************  
It has been several years since I came to this world, everything that used to amaze me before was now just a distant memory locked away in my brain. I've had much more experience and adventures than any of these individuals who stood before me, but alas I couldn't remember any of them, I never knew them, and they never knew me, and I preferred it that way.  
But one thing that does make me wonder is that, what is my purpose here? Where did I come from? Where do I belong? Do I even exist anymore? Why couldn't I remember what had happened to me after the fall.  
The fall.  
Nothing made sense to me anymore. I wanted to know so much more, I wanted to be so much more. But what?  
My name is Castiel, I've been in this world for several years now, and I've only begun to grasp it.  
I sat on my assigned seat in our rambunctious classroom, everyone was already hyped up about the new session, their souls just chatting away as if nothing else mattered in the world. Females acted extra feminine in front of the males, and males acted like typical males; disgusting and ostracizing their own genetics to those who were vulnerable. Humans never ceased to surprise me, that's why I'm glad I wasn't counted as one.  
I remembered that I had to stop by the store again, I think if I beg him long enough he'll give me my job back. That's what I do every week atleast; I adjusted myself on my seat so that I could be comfortable enough for first period. Taking this crash course of media studies was doomed to failure, I had taken every single subject in this school and I had passed in none, this may be my only shot at bringing my grade up.  
Thankfully our teacher was already 10 minutes late, no one even bothered to notice a student's dead body in their classroom, me. My head started to pound after all the thinking I had done in the last few seconds, I laid my head down and covered it with the trench coat that I had been wearing for all eternity. I pulled it over my head and pretended to be a tortoise, wrapped up in its own sorry world.  
I heard shuffling here and there, but I chose to ignore it. Well, that was my second mistake of the day.  
"Alright you sons of bitches, wake up".  
  



	2. Chapter 2

I'm sorry But I'd rather have you Cursed or not. I just smile at him, the weakest smiles that I have ever given, but there was a different meaning behind my sadness. And the reaction I got in return makes it all the more painful.

 

"Alright you sons of bitches wake up"  
That voice, Why did it make my heart race? I was never aware of such emotions that existed within me.  
I lifted my head up and noticed how everyone's attention was glued to the chalk board, a man with quite a nice body structure was writing down something on the board.  
Dean Winchester.

Damn, that name. Why was it so-

 

"My names Dean Winchester, and I'll be teaching you sorry bastards media this fine year. Oh what fun" he said with a sarcastic tone. I have never paid attention in any class before, honestly this was the only class I have ever paid attention to. I straightened myself up and finally looked at him, observed him.  
His lavender shirt was quite tight for his already ripped physique, he had pulled up its clean, neat sleeves and to be honest; it was a blessing to all of us, I was an angel, I would know. He grazed his bottom lip with his tongue and started walking around his desk. His eyes radiated with the rising sun, creating a beautiful contrast similar to green tea and honey. I was amazed at how well crafted this man was, and the fact that i felt connected to him made it even more interesting. Honestly, this felt like dejavu, it felt as if I had compared those eyes to something before, something about him bugs me.  
He looked at all of us (of course not me because I was way at the back) and I could tell he was making snide comments about all of us. He stopped in his tracks and crossed his arms, shaking his head as he did so. I noticed how all the girls were literally drooling over him, making their most sexy faces in front of him, at least that's what they thought. This man was strange, and I was quite intrigued.  
"We've got a lot of work to do people, no half assing in my subject. Okay let's get started".

 

Even if he possessed god like features he was in no way a good teacher, actually he sucked, bad. But no one would actually go complain about it, half of our class is filled with girls and this was porn for them. I can't really say I blame them, he was quite handsome. He let us off early because he didn't want to see our *fugly* faces any longer, all the girls walked extra slow so that they could catch a glimpse of him while he waited for us to leave. I left my seat and started walking when everyone left, I hated it when it was overcrowded and it made me go rogue if anyone even bothered to see me and let me pass. I tried walking out of his class as fast as I could but it was too late.  
My third mistake.

 

"Hey! Were you in this class?" He pounced when he noticed how much I wanted to avoid him. "Umm, yes I was" I murmured. He kept looking at me in such a distinct manner, his eyes were squinting for some reason, it felt as if he was trying his best to know who I was, or was I just imagining it?.  
"What's your name?" He questioned me as he looked through his files and paperwork. I was afraid of how he might react to my name, it was quite odd and religious.

"Castiel" I answered. At that he furrowed his eyebrows and widened his eyes, his lips moved as if he tried to say something but he resisted. I never made eye contact with anyone before but with him I couldn't look away, we kept staring at each other for quite a long time until we realized what we were doing. Dean started to feel awkward and he cleared his throat while his eyes moved away, but mine never left his face. "Okay Cas, do you mind if I call you that? Because Castiel is a bit too jesusy for me" He asked quite frankly. "I don't really care, as long as I'm identified correctly" I answered.  
What the hell was wrong with me? I could've given a normal answer, "yes that's okay" or "that's cool with me" but no I had to say that. Dean wore a puzzled look on his face,and suddenly he chuckled, which I did not expect at all. "Dude, be normal. Jeez. And don't sit in the back next time." He sighed while he stood up from his seat. Damn even his dress pants looked so good on him.

 

I needed to leave so I just nodded and ran out of the classroom without looking back. My sneakers made irritating squeaky sounds as it made contact with the polished floor. I don't know why but I had a feeling that I was forgetting something, something important. Just a few hours ago I was craving for something new in this pathetic world, so was this my answer?. It was too stupid a thought to even consider it a coincidence, he was just a teacher, what's so great about that?.  
And therefore, I present to you my fourth mistake.

 

I was attracted to my teacher. And nothing was gonna make it stop.

Day 4 of media class. Dean was running late again as usual, did I mention that he doesn't want us to call him sir? He thinks its too 'old'. He was a few years older than all of us I think. How old was I again?. Ugh, nevermind.  
I sat at my usual seat, at the back of the class near the windows. It was my haven, it wasn't much but I found it much more comfortable than by sitting in the front where I would always be highlighted. The rain was starting to get rough today even though it was just 3 in the afternoon, I don't know how I was to survive a three hour class and then walk home in this godforsaken weather.  
Oh, I said the word.  
Wow, I just realized that I hadn't thought about my family in quite a while; it was a strange feeling having to think about my brethren back in heaven. I was no longer wanted by them, I was an outcast. I was cursed with this body, and now I had to live with it. I no longer remember why I had been punished, I loved my father more than anything, my grace was pure and I wasn't contaminated by these mortal emotions. I don't know why they chose to set me free, I don't know why I was so confused. I no longer remember who I am, and that is the most empty feeling you could experience in this world. With all of this wondering I failed to notice the rage that grew inside of me, my knuckles were clenched and ready to be used. Why was I behaving like a fool?.  
Just then the doors came flying open, and there came Dean Winchester.  
Oh God.  
His shirt was drenched.  
I would've noticed the color if my eyes weren't fixated on his wet skin. The atmosphere around me became humid, I couldn't avert my gaze and I felt disgusted at my actions; I grabbed the nearby sharpened pencil on the counter beside me and jabbed it in my hand. I held in my scream and excused myself without saying a word, Dean tried to stop me while he was preoccupied with his wet papers but I chose to ignore him. I ran to the closest bathroom and saw myself in the dust filled mirror. Some dark circles had appeared underneath my eyes, and my skin looked as if it was shedding. My face was red with my embarrassing emotions, I simply ignored my sorry state and washed my face over the sink. I felt so useless and pathetic. My whole purpose was crumbling. I wanted to be free. I let out a sorry excuse of a groan, even when I expressed my frustration I looked like a wounded puppy who just wants to be rescued.  
Maybe I was?  
God my mind was preoccupied with stupid shit today, I needed to leave. I failed to notice my hand during this massacre, so I brought it up to my face and observed the condition.  
There was no mark on it. I couldn't understand why that was so, I remember jabbing it into my burned out skin, I could feel the blood leaving the source. But yet, there was nothing?. I was losing my head, I needed to go home and contemplate on these things; Maybe take a few pills and fall asleep too. I looked at my cheap Casio watch and saw that I had missed half an hour of my class, was it really that long?. I sighed, one of my most miserable sighs and I left the filthy walls and mirrors. I could still hear the rain drops, it reminded me of a distant memory I had long forgotten.  
Rainfall shows that the Lord is finally happy and content with his creations.

Cut the bullshit, why the hell would He be happy when we haven't killed off every demon in this hellhole? That was what I had been told all my life. It shows that my Father is happy, that He still cares. No Cas. I don't think He gives a damn about us anymore. I don't think He exists anymore. Ugh, my damn migraines had started again. Why did I remember this? What was so damn familiar about the rain?. I walked through the palely lit hallways and I reached my class, only to see that it was already empty. Maybe I was really losing my mind. "Hey jackass" 

Well, almost empty. Dean arose from one of the student's seat and approached me slowly, his pace was slow and his shirt had dried a bit so I was thankful for that. I looked at him and asked for an answer. "I let those poor bastards go, the rain was going nuts out there. And I think you should leave too so.." He wandered off. I nodded my head and turned to leave but I was stopped. Dean wanted to say something so I was waiting for him to spit it out. "Cas, listen. I know about your grades and shit. I know its difficult managing these responsibilities and I just want to help you out" he claimed. Oh God not another sympathy speech. 

" I don't know how to say this but I know there's something about you that somehow makes sense to me. You have potential and intellect. Your recent paper sucked though, but I know that there's more to it.". I didn't understand how i had to respond, but the tone of his voice made me want to trust him. Could I do that? I mean as a teacher he sucked too, so I can't really fight him. But the fact that he doesn't think he sucks worried me. I was glued to the floor, not moving a muscle. I heard light footsteps and before i knew it Dean was standing in front of me, he brought his face closer to mine; widening his eyes as he did. Was it sympathy that I felt in those beautiful eyes? Was he trying to convince me somehow? I chose to ignore his face, but he kept on bringing his own face closer. I surrendered and looked up and saw him make a questioning nod. As if he was asking for my permission, as if he was asking if it was okay. I was shocked by his perseverance, and looking at him made me hurtful. Before I realized it we were staring at each other once again. Accepting defeat, I simply nodded. Dean's smile brightened the whole clouded atmosphere between us, I felt that he knew what was going on with me, and that terrified me. Did he know who I was? Did I know who he was? 

None of us understood what we were getting into. "Okay so note down my address, and I'll tell you what time is suitable. Capisce?".


	3. Chapter 3

No! You're lying!  
Why the hell would I lie about something like this? I'm sorry but he's gone Dean. And he ain't coming back this time.  
Nothing but the sound of my heartbeat could be heard, I couldn't even feel myself breathe any longer. And yet I stood.  
I can't believe it.  
I can't believe Cas is gone.  


Damn, I've been snoozing a lot lately. What the hell was I doing. I woke up on my shitty-ly constructed lounge chair and was surprised to see a shit ton of paperwork scattered around, heck I didn't even know what they were for. Oh yeah, my class assignments. Damn I hated this job, but since my ass couldn't find work else where so I ended up here. I didn't even know jack shit about media, but at least I get to talk about great movies, now that's a piece of pie. Ooh, pie. I need me some pie. 

Dammit I did it again. I looked at my wrist watch and glared at the damn thing until my eyes got it's focus right. 12:00 pm. It was Saturday. 

Shit. I called him over today. To study, I think? 

At that moment I knew I was going to regret calling him here. I bounced off my chair and hurried to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the poorly constructed glass, my dirty blonde hair was in and out of places, but it still looked kind of bearable. My facial hair was growing out again, but they weren't fully grown yet, and by my eyes it looked as if I were smoking pot throughout the week. Ugh I needed a shower.

I opened both valves of the shower, waiting for the good stuff to come out. I left the bathroom and started cleaning up outside. I picked up my papers and threw them on the desk in my room, even my room needed attention. I saw the rays of the sun enter my haven, the patterns of the curtain creating winged shadows on the beige carpet. In a strange way I felt nostalgic looking at them. I never shopped for these type of things, but this damn curtain just struck me. They were pretty awesome, if you didn't focus on the flower patterns. 

Aaaaand I was lost in my thoughts again. I left the room and sighed as I stomped into the shower, something was pissing me off, I poured a huge amount of shampoo in my hand and started to lather it in my head. The smell of lemons invaded me, damn this felt good. But since this was a quick shower I couldn't enjoy myself fully. The stupid kid was coming over, even though i was the one who invited him I still think he's to blame. Why the hell did he have to be so dumb?. 

Castiel 

That name is so damn familiar, its so frickin weird. All biblical and shit. I needed to know why I had been feeling so weird about his name. Him in general actually. 

I did it 

Damn it, my head. 

All of it. 

I needed to get out. 

For you. 

Gotta eat something, I need my meds. 

Ugh. Why is this happening again?. I turned down the water and just let the remains trickle my skin. I left the warmth and grabbed my towel, the bathroom was filled with steam and I tried to find the mirror in this damn cubicle of a bathroom. I reached out and let my hand slide over the cold glass, removing the vapors along with it. I looked at my toned face and flushed cheeks, my breathing uneasy. 

Hello Dean. 

I lowered my head and just stared at the marble sink, I supported myself by placing both of my hands on the cold material, my eyes refused to blink. 

I remember. I remember what happened.

.................................................................. 

Knock knock 

I stood up from the green futon sofa and took a few steps towards the door. 

Maybe I shouldn't open it, I thought. Maybe he'll think I'm not here and just leave, that'll do the trick, it wasn't my first time. Knock knock knock. Damn it, I couldn't. I needed to see him, I needed to know if I was right. I needed to know if it was him. I straightened myself up, I took a deep breath and walked to the door. My shoes made soft clicking sounds as it made contact with the floor, I reached out my hand and placed it on the handle. Okay, here we go. 

"Heeeey, you made it" 

"Hello" he murmured. His blue eyes showed how sleep deprived he was, not only that but his whole appearance did; his grey shirt was ruffled and messy, the jeans he wore were too loose on his fragile body, and His trench coat needed to be washed badly. But even with his tardiness, he still managed to look so good. 

It was him all along. I can't believe I forgot. Forgot about everything. 

He slowly walked inside my apartment, observing every furniture that came in his path. He was ignoring eye contact with me and all I was trying to do was to make him look at me. To help him remember somehow?.

"Sit your ass wherever you want, I'll be back in a minute" I said with a serious tone, Cas just nodded and sat down on the futon. His body language was stiff and fragile, he was completely unaware of what was happening. Just like the old Cas. I went into the kitchen and covered my mouth; my face felt hot and greasy, seeing how oblivious he was made me angry. 

Why? Why can't you remember who I am Cas? Why don't you remember who I am?. 

After a few seconds my face went blank, all the rage and pain was erased somehow, I removed my hand from my mouth and stood silently. I took out two beers from the fridge since I had nothing else, and walked out. He was still there, staring into space. He looked so innocent, I wish I didn't have to go through with this. 

"Alright, where do we begin?" I asked casually, I gave him the bottle of beer and he took it without hesitation, I was a little taken aback by that. "Um, well I might have a problem in remembering the names of the certain frames? Or the effects provided in certain camera shots? I'm not so sure myself" he said shyly. I snickered over how much he was struggling just to speak to me, I couldn't help but smile at him. He noticed my actions and got embarrassed, his fair skin tone turned red within minutes. "Okay so let's start off with the basics" I said, a little too glumly "First of all, you need to know this shit for your research paper. And in order to do that you need references, movies especially. You need to know of different companies, hence you need to watch movies dude. Stop being such a martian"

His eyes started to squint, I think I confused him even more; he sat uncomfortably in his seat and just looked confused.

It was like the old Cas again, my chest started to ache just looking at him. Maybe I couldn't do this, maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was good that he didn't remember me. 

"Ugh okay you know what? I am having a really shitty day so I think you should just go" I sighed as I rested my back against the cushions. Cas lifted his face and kept looking at me with his squinted eyes. "Dude I mean it, just go already. You're free" I laughed. He stood up, i could tell that his mind was elsewhere but I just needed him to leave. His footsteps invaded the room as he walked away from me; his steps were gentle and stable, it just showed that he was in no hurry at all. He turned to look at me while my face was in my hands, these damn headaches. Cas started to stammer at first, but then he swallowed his previous words and just said "Well goodbye then" 

Crack 

Oh God no. That seemed even more painful than the one before. 

Wait, before?. 

Crack 

Why was I panicking? Why was I allowing myself to feel this way? Why do I feel this way again? Why am I torturing myself again?. 

Goodbye Dean. 

I can't hurt myself again. I don't want him to hurt me again. Not this way. 

"CAS" I screamed. My feet started to move on its own, I never dared to open my eyes during this chaos. Before I knew it I heard a loud thud from my door. I opened my eyes to see where I stood. 

My hands were on the door and Cas was trapped between my arms, his horror stricken face just staring at me. He looked vulnerable and confused as his back was against the wooden door, even I was shocked as to what I was doing. 

Well, no guts no glory. I'm going for it.

I took a step back, keeping my hands in the air, showing him that he had nothing to be afraid of. "Cas, I need to ask you." I whispered. 

Cas was slightly shaking, his hands clenched and trembling, his eyes filled with fear. 

"Please, just please. Tell me you remember me?" I breathed. I kept looking at him for answers, I kept looking at him for any sign of hope, I needed him to say something, anything. "..I" he managed to say without fail. I smiled at him, pretending to be hopeful; I wanted to know so bad, I wanted to have him back, I wanted my Cas back. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you" 

We stood in the stuffy entrance of my home, our eyes never left one another in that moment. My body had become stiff and weak by his words, but it required no support from my arms this time. Cas' chest rose and fell in a slow rhythmic motion, he was trying to contain himself, I knew he was hiding something. 

"Don't you fucking lie to me" 

Cas' eyes widened at my answer, his blue irises were glued onto my trembling lips; he was fumbling with his own words. 

I-I don't kno-" he murmured; I took a step closer towards him, His head was lowered and he refused to lift it up. I bent down in order to meet his startling gaze, I looked at him with hopeful eyes and begged. 

Remember me? I cocked my head sideways to see how he was holding up, his breaths were uneven and broken. Damn it I hated seeing him this way. I placed my hand on his shoulder, his eyes followed them as I shook him out of his restless state, he looked up at me and wore the most saddest expression, it felt as if he was burdened. 

"Cas" I breathed. I needed him here, I needed Cas. He looked at me with teary eyes, not even flinching by my hoarse voice. "Cas" 

"Buddy, I need you" I choked.

"Gah- N-no" I heard him tremble. My eyes were burning at the back of my head, I had forgotten how to blink, it was as if he would leave me again if I closed my eyes for one second. He placed his hand over his mouth and held back a scream, he wasn't crying but he was nearing his limit. I kept looking at him, unaware of what was happening.  
"Thi- this isn't re- al" he answered after pulling himself together " I knew there was something about you b- but this is insane, I can't know you. I don't know you. My dreams are just dreams, you're just a normal person who teaches me, AND NOTHING ELSE, this is all a lie!" He screamed as he struggled through his current state.

"Wai- dreams?" I asked. I couldn't believe it, I had somehow cracked him. "Damn it Cas stop being an ass and just listen to me. Do you have any memory of what has happened throughout the whole year?" I shook him as I asked. 

"I remember fragments, o-only partly. This is ridiculous and unlikely, I don't need this right now..." 

He was pissing me off, his back was still against the door and I was running out of personal space, but I preferred it that way because I wasn't going to let him get away this time. I brought my hand into his and held it in my tightest grip, he was startled by my actions as suspected. I dragged him out of the corner and threw him on the sofa and left him there. "Well let me tell you Cas, Sammy and I were trying to close the gates of hell, crazy? I know. And in order to do that we were given certain tasks to complete, a whole checklist you might say. And in the process of the final task, the sky started to break..." I wandered off, just realizing how much I remembered. The sky had invaded us that day, the black and indigo contrasts filling us like we needed to be torn apart somehow. The ground shook as I slid down the impala feeling restless. 

"I-" I started to speak, Cas kept his gaze steady and calm, but I knew he was having a breakdown, he knew that what I said wasn't a lie, some part of him knew I was right. "I was so damn scared.. I didn't know what was happening" I stammered while I was wiping my hands unconsciously on my jeans, I kept standing even though my legs weren't working anymore. 

"A-and then- the- the angels, they started to fall. The flames, they- they just fell, like it was nothing!" I cried. My vision started to blur as my eyes were filled with my tears. They started to flow out and I couldn't control it, the strain in my head began to grow. "After that, everything went white, all I could hear was Sammy's screams and nails being scratched over a chalkboard, it felt like the Apocalypse for a second, and in all of that turmoil I opened my eyes while the unimaginable was happening. And there, I saw you." I spoke calmly, tears still running down my face. Cas had been silent throughout this meeting, and his lack of presence started to scare me. 

" I saw your wings, they were burning away in the light. They were ju- just being erased. I couldn't understand what was happening, I called out to you, but you didn't turn around. I thought that I had lost you, I thought that I had lost everything". I gave into the pain and fell on my knees, just looking at the floor while I held my head in my hands. I started to sob, but not menacingly thank God. I shifted my eyes and looked at him instead, adoring his slender body and long legs "You fell from grace Cas, everyone in heaven did, somehow our memories were erased. And somehow.. We were given a second chance? Even I'm not so sure- gah". 

I sat there in silence, even my wingless friend didn't bother to say a word as I stared at him. I couldn't understand him, what the hell was he thinking? Damn it Cas say something already. 

"Geh- this feels so fucking one sided" I laughed sarcastically " I'm literally giving you my all, trying to make you remember. And I know you do so there's no need to pretend god damn it...just for once..." 

"Dean.." 

"I was trying to- ju- just trying - to bring you back" I whispered in my softest voice. 

"Dean.." 

"Damn it Cas, COME BACK" 

"I need you to come back" I managed to say, not being able to contain myself. 

I had told him everything.

His eyes were soaked by his own tears, but he wasn't a complete wreck like I was. His eyes were fixated on mine and he stayed like that without hesitation, even I never took my eyes off of him. We stared at each other for several minutes, not understanding what to do after the mess i had created. The calm color of blue made me feel safe and wanted, I never thought I could feel that way again, but then again I never thought I'd see Cas again. "Dean, please forgive me" said Cas, in a brisk tone. He stood up from the sofa and started walking towards me, his legs came into my vision and I looked up, strangely this situation felt too familiar, the way he towered over me and the way i was on my knees,I couldn't quite place it. He brought his right hand to my face and wiped the tears away, I kept looking at him with awe, he was smiling slightly but I knew that his thoughts were elsewhere. His hands felt so cold against my rough skin, I took hold of his hand while he kept it on my flushed cheek, I needed to know what his hand felt like, I needed to know him. 

" I was a fool. I failed to believe in your ridiculous story, I failed to understand you. I- I never thought I'd be able to understand who I was. I never knew who I was until you showed up, right into my class. I craved for knowledge, I wanted the truth, I wanted to know." He babbled on, I listened to his words intently. He sat down in front of me in slow motion, as if I was going to be startled by his movements. "I still don't believe half of the things you've said, but somehow I know they're true. There is this constant pull on my heart when it comes to you Dean, what I'm feeling right now, I cant fully grasp it yet.. I don't even feel bad forgetting everything else, forgetting my whole existence and purpose. But the fact that I forgot you" he claimed, the sadness clearly written on his face "My grace? My mission? My memories with you? Why are they all gone? Why did I forget everything? Why did I forget you? Why was I given a chance to live? Why am I human? And if we were separated then, then why are we meeting now? After all this time?, just..why?". Cas was unable to say anything more, he wanted so many answers, but I wasn't able to help him. 

"Maybe.. Maybe its better this way" 

What? 

"Me forgetting everything, me forgetting you. I had caused so much chaos before, maybe this is my punishment. Being mortal.." 

Wait, what the hell? 

"Cas, what the hell? Why the fuck would it be better? Do you enjoy not knowing who you were? Do you enjoy having your head up your ass?, running away from your past? None of those things seem fine." I retaliated, my constant shouting had scared him, he was doing a good job keeping an expressionless face, but I knew better. 

This wasn't the Cas I believed in. It was his body, his face, his voice. But he wasn't my Cas. 

"Dean.." 

God damn it, why did he have to say my name like that? Why did he still say my name like that?. 

"These recent events have been... interesting. B-but you see, I think I would prefer not remembering any of the things that had happened between us, in our previous endeavors. Please try to understand, living on earth is complicated as it seems, I'm not quite normal yet. And- well- I want to be normal. I don't want my past mistakes to haunt me anymore, I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night thinking that I don't belong anymore..." 

"I don't want to be an outcast anymore.." 

There it was 

CRACK Cas stood up from his spot on the floor, he dusted off the so called dust particles from his trench coat and started to walk away, I didn't move a single inch as he walked away, I was too much in shock to do anything. He just gave up? "You don't remember, do you?" I spoke, as I turned to see his back. His shoulders looked tense and rigid, his breathing had stopped momentarily and I was losing my patience completely. 

"I can't believe you've forgotten what you said to me" I whispered to myself, making sure I was loud enough for him to hear. 

And just like that, I heard the clicking of the door, he departed without saying anything else. 

Saying nothing at all.


	4. Chapter 4

I spoke of him

And only him 

There was no other 

Only him 

I'll scream it at the top of my lungs, until I draw my final breath 

I'll repeat it once more, for now and forever. 

Dean Winchester is saved. 

It had been a week since the incident occurred between Dean and I, my mind was already faltering in my current state. I poured myself another cup of coffee, visually it looked as if it was brewed moments ago, but it had been cold for quite some time now. My clumsy yet buzzed body dragged itself to the nest, or foxhole you might say. The afternoon glimmer was slowly fading away making my room look even more miserable, I sighed and crept up to my bedding and sheets. Taking a sip I place the cup on my nightstand and curl up into my blanket, covering myself from my head to my toes. Hot breaths were accumulating within it, and I felt nothing but peace inside it. 

You don't remember, do you? 

God I had to ruin this moment didn't I? Dean's heartbroken tone was ringing in my ears, no matter what I did I couldn't stop thinking about him. The moment he touched me I knew something was wrong, but I refused to run away, I had to hurt him instead. I rolled over to the other side and buried my head even deeper inside the pillows, hopefully I wouldn't choke myself to death. 

Please tell me you remember me. 

"GGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH" I wail, I was completely powerless when it came to him, he had consumed me just like the way he did before. Before? 

A before that I might not even remember; yes, I am the great Castiel after all. I had no control over anything in my life whatsoever, and that is disgraceful in its own way. I wasn't the same person anymore, I don't want to be the same person any more, what good was he? He failed to do anything he was told to,he failed to be loyal and just. He failed overall, then why must I always act like him? Why not someone else? 

It was because he chose that version of me. 

That's lunacy, and highly inaccurate. 

Think once more Castiel, he stood by you all that time. He had no faith in his God or any other, but he always had faith in you. 

Stop, just stop it. 

You were his only belief, his only companion. 

Shut up. 

His only love. 

My head, damn my head. 

Never change. 

The raging pain inside my head started to grow, I kept shuffling inside the blanket, trapping myself in its warmth. My heart rate had slowed down immensely, the fear inside of me kept bubbling up. Tears were running down my face, tracing my dead skin and burning it slightly. I couldn't stay awake much longer, I couldn't breathe. 

Cas? Are you with me?

What?

JUST STAY. 

Darkness evades. 

........................ 

Where am I? 

I sat there motionless on a wooden chair,and beside it was a small round table with certain newspaper clippings on it. Killings? murders? I knew where I was. 

"Hey dumb ass " I can't believe it.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, his scent invading the room. He wore His olive green jacket upon a pain black shirt, his jeans making sounds as he walked to the bed.  
This was a distant memory, in this motel room. I kept looking at him as he sat down comfortably, he looked so youthful, a glimmer still existing in his eyes. He was fixing the end of his sleeves as his eyes wandered the floor. His lashes were perfectly aligned and curled to its fullest, it would've made all the angels sigh. But none of their sighs would've been as loud as mine.

He started to slide backwards on his bed until his eyes looked up at me; they radiated with utter beauty and grace, he placed his tongue behind his teeth in a sensual way, my heart could not comprehend how magnetic he was. "Dude, I have to hit the sack here. You mind? " 

That's it. 

I remember. I remember what I said to him. 

"Don't worry." "I'll watch over you."


	5. Chapter 5

The cold breeze was hitting my face as I ran through the empty streets, my feet felt swollen inside my brown shoes even though i had no physical activity whatsoever. I pull my trench coat closer to my skin so that the wind doesn't hit me directly.  
You must be wondering why I'm running about frantically?, well I think there is no need for an explanation.

I was finally going to him, I was finally reuniting with someone I had lost long long ago. 

I smile at the mere thought of seeing Dean again, watching him beam over how I did not forget him, how it wasn't too late for us. I cross the street making sure I don't get hit, especially not at a moment like this. The roads were damp at this hour, I keep running towards strange alleys and unknown streets, the excitement was sure to kill me. It was 10 o'clock, and a small town like this never had anything going about at this time, everyone was comfortable in their homes while I was running around trying to find the correct address of the man I had long forgotten. I was never this hyped up about anything in the world; my body couldn't contain itself and it just wanted to be free. 

Dean was my freedom. 

I exhaust myself by running too fast, i was so close to him and I hated myself to lose my breath and strength at this very moment. I blow out my steam and exhale, my breath creating a cloud in front of me. My sweat started to drop and make marks on the footstep, little did I know where I had been standing all this time. I stood directly underneath a street light, the yellow glow spreading on my skin. I lift up my head even higher just to see if I could see the filament that exists within its glass chamber, but as a result my eyes are squinting instead. This light reminded me of the time I called Dean, my very first call to him. 

Hurry up, the voice is saying I'm running out of minutes. 

Hello? 

I'll just wait here then. 

I laugh at the thought of how much I bothered him when I never understood human technologies, he had a lot of patience with me. Thinking about him made me realize how much I had missed him, how could I not feel anything this past year? If I had truly loved him then I would've never forgotten. It disgusts me how heartless I had become, I start to ache from the inside; my memories are the only things that are keeping me sane. I needed to see him, I needed to tell-

"What the actual fuck?"

Wow, I never knew prayers worked so fast. 

I turn around clumsily and I see him there, just staring at me. He was wearing his brown leather jacket, he hadn't worn that for so many years. It was a memoir of his father, and it made me feel even weaker inside knowing that some things never change, he still held onto it after so much, it made me feel guilty because I had hurt him not so long ago. 

"Damn it Cas what the hell are you doing out here? Why aren't you at home?" He yelled at me. He looked terrified, I mean why wouldn't he be? I was acting like a creepy stalker who stood outside his apartment building, which was EXACTLY how I was acting. I looked at him and took a sigh of relief, finally calming myself down. I focus my attention on dean and start moving closer, a stone cold expression on my face. Dean starts moving backwards, a frightened look in His eyes appeared, darkening the green within them. 

"Don't you dare come any closer..." Dean warns me. 

And what do I do? I move in even closer. Dean yelps as I grab his collar and lift him up, I drag his body to the nearest wall and ram him into it, making sure it hurt him real nice. 

"Duuude!? What the hell?" He croaks, I control myself because his cuteness was getting out of hand. 

"WHY?" I say as my face is inches away from his "why didn't you tell me? Why did you pause and not tell me it was you?". Dean kept staring at me as his face became red. 

"Ugh. THAT'S WHAT I DID YOU MORON, WHAT ELSE DID I DO?!" He bites back, I loosen my grip on him and let his body slide down, he starts breathing easily, there was a sign of a little annoyance in his body language, taking a deep breath I look at him and his stance softens. "You didn't tell me what I said to you. All those years ago. Why would you do that? I said with a little sadness in my tone. 

"That's cuz I knew you would remember." He smirks, damn it he was such a liar. From my expressions he knew what i was thinking, and on that he laughed.

"Alright alright I had a 50/50 thing going on, but if that plan failed i would've forced it out of you. I swear." He implies shamelessly.

"Dean Winchester, I could kill you right now". 

"Nah, you wouldn't do that. You're too cute to be a killer" 

I start to blush at his comment, completely unaware of the fact that I was so close to him. This was embarrassing. "I'm sorry Dean. For acting such a way, and for taking so long to.." I wander off. 

"Don't be" he cooed "I knew you wouldn't leave me hangin'." 

He slides his hand around my waist, the rustling of my coat invaded our ears as he pulled me in closer and buried his head in my left shoulder. His other hand also gripped me from my back, his embrace was warm and full of longing. I could tell that he needed someone this badly, I was afraid I might break him if I touch him. Dean smelled of old beer and cologne, his scent had a euphoric effect on me in an instant, words could not describe how happy I was inside his arms. 

"Dean, I l-" 

"Don't say it." He intervenes. "You're here with me, you've come back to me . And nothing else matters, do you understand?. So if you try to leave me again I swear to God I'll hunt your ass down and kill you" I grin at his answer, surely I wouldn't leave him but his serious tone made me a little scared too. I wrap my arms around him and take him all in. His heart was beating fast, and so was mine. I can't believe we were holding one another, it was too good to be true. 

Dean's hand start to slide up my back, tickling it gently. And within moments his hand is in my hair; soothing my scalp, feeling him this close I start to cry, I hide my face in his shoulder just so I could hide my face from the embarrassment. "Aaw come on now don't do that" says Dean as he comforts me; I could feel that he was shaking a bit, but he was doing a good job at hiding it. I wish that we never lost a year in this life, I wish that we had found each other sooner and not perished in the apocalypse. I wished so many things while I held him, but if I had to endure so much pain and torture just for this moment with Dean, then I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I man up and lift my head up, and just melt away into his eyes. His stares were controlling me as if I were some puppet.

I smile at him and he cradles my face in his hands, his warmth was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Dean brings his face closer and pecks me on my cheek, slowly he kisses me all the way to my lips. Soon I am under his control. His lips were soft and moist against my own, he was leaving chaste and long kisses as I tried to catch my breath. He was all over me and I had freaked out. But his grasp on me was so strong I couldn't fight him. He kept attacking my lips and I just stood there like an idiot but when he slowed down I also started to delve in this pleasure, and I started to bite his lips slightly. He started grinning like a maniac because of that. 

That assbutt. 

Minutes passed and we couldn't leave each other; our hearts were merging and melting into one another. Dean Winchester was mine. 

Our profound bond will never break. 

That is a promise I shall make to myself. 

And to him. 

I held him and promised never to let go, no one could take him away, not God, not any demons. No one. 

I was broken, I was shattered, I was weak. 

But his strength brought me back. 

I only speak of him. 

And only him. 

No one else. I heard him scream that one word which meant the world to him.

"CAS" 

My name. It was my name. 

Indeed he would not stop saying my name like that, and I would never stop saying his. 

Indeed it was me. 

I was saved.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done!! I'm so sorry for the errors! The chapters weren't uploading somehow because of the damn internet :P It's finished now! enjoy :D

I will not hurt Dean.

How else are we supposed to succeed Castiel? You promised us a better heaven, father isn't here anymore so how can you leave us now?. 

Would you leave your brethren, your purpose, All for one human? 

I looked at her with a confused look in my eyes, but my heart already knew the answer. 

I would've sacrificed everything for one human. 

Because. 

I was in love with humanity. 

I was in love with Dean Winchester.

......................................................................

Time was slowly fading away as the cold autumn breeze made me drowsy. My feet were plastered to the concrete as I kept my eyes glued at the door. It was almost time for the tests to be over.  
I wore my brown leather jacket over a black turtleneck, something I would never wear but at least it kept me warm dammit. Instantly the sound of the bell startled me and I saw everyone run like they would never come back again. Where the hell was he?.  
I knew I couldn't be seen in public with him because it'll cause trouble for me with the staff. Some dumb ass rule about dating students, I don't know. If age were a problem then technically Cas was the one older than me, heck he was a dinosaur compared to me.  
I hid behind a nearby tree and placed my back against its rock hard wrinkled skin. I took a deep breath and muttered insults while I stood. He was taking so damn long. I needed to know how his exam went, hell I didn't even care about the exam I just wanted to see him.  
Ever since that night on the road I've been thinking long and hard about us. In a strange way I felt scared, because I didn't know what was going to happen in this world, in this life. At least when I was a hunter I knew my way around things, I could kill and work my way through the crazy situations; even Cas had his angel juice which helped him out with almost anything.

We always wished for a normal life together and now that we have it; we don't even know what to do anymore. My breathing became unsteady as I thought about it more and more, I didn't want to fail anymore, I have the one I hold most dear to me, he's alive and he's safe, what more could I want?. 

All I knew was this, I needed to protect him. Whether he cries at night over the most stupidest things or may it be anything else, I would be there for him. I knew he wanted this too, he actually came back when I asked him to, sure it took him a frickin week but at least he came to his senses. My boots made crinkling sounds as I started scraping it along the floor since there was nothing better to do. 

"Hey."

......................................................

"Hey." 

Dean jumped as I spoke up, apparently he was busy looking at something under his shoes which was far more interesting than myself. 

"Damn it Cas you scared the shit out of me. I've told you a million times to stop doing that" he pouted 

"My apologies". I looked at him hoping that he wouldn't ask me anything, and that we would just go out for cheeseburgers or something. 

"Well?." 

Ahh, damn it. 

"Let's just say, don't keep your hopes up" I confessed, blowing smoke out of my mouth. Dean kept gazing at me with his eyes, he seemed tired and disturbed and that made me worried. Dean opened his arms and I ran into them without hesitation, his warmth invaded me and tingled me all over. Slowly his grip on me became tighter, trapping me completely and making me powerless. His fingertips started tracing circles on my scalp and soon his whole hand was sliding through my hair. Dean kept his dry lips on my head and he stayed like that for several minutes. 

"Dean, I'll never leave, okay?." 

"Hmm?" 

"Come on, I know you too well. You wouldn't be this worried over a stupid test. I know that you're thinking about how we will survive together." His grip tightens. 

"I know that its hard to believe that we were given a second chance, me being here in your arms, touching you, all of this still feels like a dream. But I've learned to accept things just the way they are." My grip around his waist tightens. 

"You are the only one I want to be with, I can only be normal if I'm with you, okay?. Isn't that the only thing that matters?. You have to let go of the fear Dean, keeping it inside of yourself won't help you, and neither will it help me. I promise I won't leave, I promise to be by your side and I promise to keep fighting as long as I can. So please just please.. Don't you ever leave me." I hid my face at the crook of his neck and felt his pulse calming down a bit, I clenched my fists into his jacket and held him close, showing him that I wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Damn, you say a lot of shit when you're emotional Cas" he answered casually. I choked out a laugh, finally feeling the tension between us loosen up a bit. 

"Cas, no way in hell am I going to leave you. You won't be left alone like you were before, i may be scared about us but I'm going to protect you, no matter what the cost. So please don't say these kind of things again, okay?." He breathed as he patted my head.

We separated and looked at each other, his smile was crooked and endearing in my eyes. His eyes were lit up and they've never looked more stunning. Several minutes pass as we keep looking at each other, I could never get tired of looking at him. I still couldn't believe that he was mine.

"And well if your exam sucked then don't worry, I'll pass you. That's the least I can do." 

"You really don't have to Dean, seriously. I can take care of myself." 

"But I wanna, I'm not a hard ass." He said, clearly praising himself. We started to walk simultaneously, we took a few steps on the sidewalk and stepped on deliciously crunchy leaves until they were no more. I looked up at Dean and he looked back; I smile at him just to show him that we can do this. Being together was all we ever hoped for, and we would fight to be with one another because we had to. 

Because living without each other was not an option anymore. 

I felt Dean's hand slide around my waist as we walked farther and farther away from the campus. 

"Cas?." 

"Yes Dean?." 

"Whatever happens, I wont leave you. You left your whole family just for one guy, you brought me back to life, you saved my ass with every chance you got. I can never repay you for that but all I know is that I'll protect you and I'll fight for you, as long as I can. So now its my turn to stay by your side." 

"You don't have to-" I fumbled, but Dean shook his head. 

"Hey hey hey. Don't worry okay?." 

"I'll watch over you." 

The love in his eyes had broken me completely, he was repeating the promises I had once made to him, and my heart ached just seeing him struggle so much. 

I nodded my head and he laughed. His laughter invaded my ears and it never went away. The sun was setting behind us, a dim color of orange and yellow started to merge with the clear blue sky, there was nothing that could separate us. And there was nothing that could make me leave him again. 

Because after all. 

He was watching over me.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few years ago, I'm not reaaaalllly proud of it but I hope I can get better :P Hope you enjoyed it.


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